Guaranteed to crack you up!

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life.... they live off tips.

 

 I heard a story about a broken pencil that I'd tell you but it's pointless 

 

Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver. 

 

Have you ever tried to bend a coin? If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

 

 A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you' 

 

 two lumps of vomit are flying through the air one says to the other ''you look upset'' the other one says ''I know i was brought up around here.

 

 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents?

 

 Man that's Ludacris I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. 

 

I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

 

 It's been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!

 

 fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.

 

 I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

 

 I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.

 

 I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later. 

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

 Want to hear a dirty joke? A kid jumped into a mud puddle. 

 

Want to hear a clean joke? A kid jumped into the bath. 

 

 Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? 

 

Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: "Half way down my leg."